I Hope You Dance

It's been quite a while since my last blog post; this just couldn't wait.
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Franklin D. Roosevelt

I've been afraid to dance, and it almost tore me apart. Although I've danced my whole life, the fear of failure led me to the point where I almost stopped dancing a few months ago. While I've been here at college for three years, now starting my fourth, I have auditioned for Orchesis, the modern dance company each year. In addition, I have auditioned for both the faculty and student concert multiple times. Each year I walk up to the call board with a knot in my stomach and desperation in my bones, and each year, my name is absent from the list.
I've struggled to keep dancing because the blow of rejection has broken me down little by little each time. "Why don't they see what I feel when I dance," I always wonder. I feel a high amount of anxiety and frustration during auditions, but I take dance classes and flourish; it doesn't make sense. I love how I feel when I dance, how I look after a semester of many hours in a dance classroom, but then the feeling vanishes come August when auditions take place again. I thought If one person would just give me the chance, I would show them what I can do. And that's exactly what happened this week.
Denise Purvis has played a part in changing my life a little bit this week. I took Jazz with her last semester and this summer, when I decided to face my fears, I emailed her back and forth about the details of doing a dance minor. She encouraged, even pushed me, to go for it.
The problem with fear is that it keeps us from greatness. It's like an invisible monster that clasps its hands around our neck and slowly chokes us until there's nothing left, until we give up on anything and everything remotely uncomfortable.
When I found out yesterday that I didn't make Orchesis again, I felt a trying combination of defeat and determination (to just feel okay). A few hours later when I found out I had made it into the faculty concert everything seemed a little more possible.
I've also decided to choreograph a piece for the student concert (another thing that Denise encouraged). I've never done it before and I'm so excited to break out of this shell that I've been stuck in.
So... I hope you dance. I hope you dance when you feel like your body is broken and worn. I hope you face your fears and just DO IT! Sometimes it takes a few failures before the pain is worth it, but it's always worth it if we keep pressing on.